Eden’s Heavenly First Birthday

Yesterday marked one year since my sweet Eden Lilly was born into heaven. A year without my girl. A year without her first laugh, her first roll, her first solid food, or even her first diaper change. We’re still waiting on all the moments we hoped for.

A year ago today, we walked through our front door after leaving the hospital with empty arms. I will never forget the feeling of walking out of those hospital doors. Just days earlier I had passed through the same lobby as a glowing, expectant mom. And then everything changed. Suddenly I was the one heading home, my baby gone, my arms aching, my heart shattered.

When we found out Eden no longer had a heartbeat, I remember wanting to stall time. I wasn’t ready to deliver her. Keeping her safe in my belly for a little longer felt like the last small piece of comfort I had left before facing the reality that she was already gone.

The next morning when she was born, I held her close. Her little forehead was cold when I kissed her, and the room smelled of metallic blood. My husband and I laid there with her in the hospital bed with our perfect girl, silent but so loved. The world felt completely still in that moment. Oh, how I miss her. I would give anything to hold her warm in my arms for even one minute.

Grief is strange. It has stretched across every day of this year. And through all of this, Eden is the reason I keep going. She’s the gentle voice in my heart reminding me to choose hope even on the hardest days. And I’m so grateful for my husband who is the strongest, most supportive husband and father. We are lucky to have him, and Eden is lucky to call him her dad. Everything I do, I do with her in mind, hoping to live a life she would be proud of. My sweet girl may be in heaven, but she guides us every single day.

You are missed with every breath. You are loved beyond words.
You made me a mother, and I will carry you with me always.

Happy heavenly first birthday, my baby girl.