A Different Kind of Purpose

I wasn’t supposed to be job hunting after college.

I had a plan. And it was a perfect one. I was going to be a stay at home mom. Eden was supposed to be my job. My full-time, filled with joy, magical job. I had pictured the giggles and the snuggles, the late nights and the first steps. I had imagined her as my world, and I was so ready to give her everything.

But life happened. And now, my baby is in heaven.

That sentence still catches in my throat. Not because it keeps me stuck, but because it reminds me how deeply I loved, and still love. Eden changed me forever. She gave me a new lens on life. A deeper compassion, a different kind of strength, and a heart that knows just how precious every day really is.

So now here I am. College graduate in two weeks. Not pregnant again (yet). No baby in my arms. But a whole lot of love and purpose still inside me, waiting for somewhere to go.

And I’ve realized… maybe getting a job is the next right thing. Not because I “moved on”, but because I want to move forward. I want to build something meaningful. Not just for me, but for my husband, and for Eden. I want to honor the life I dreamed of, even if it looks different now.

This wasn’t the plan. But maybe it can still be beautiful.

Because the truth is, I have more to give. Maybe through work I’ll find new parts of myself. Maybe I’ll make a difference. Maybe I’ll discover joy in places I hadn’t expected.

And that doesn’t mean I’ve let go of my dream of being a mom. That dream is still there. It’s just holding hands with another dream now: the dream of showing up for right now, until I can be a mom to two. And yes we will always count her in our family. We are a family of three, two on earth and one in heaven.

So if you’re in a season where the plan changed, where your life looks nothing like what you imagined, I hope you know that it’s okay. It’s okay to say, “This wasn’t supposed to be my path, but maybe it’s still a path worth walking.”

I’m choosing to move forward, not away from the love I have for Eden, but in honor of it.

Because if I can live fully, love well, and give this next chapter my best… that feels like a legacy she’d be proud of.

Xoxo